.sadness on Vday.

I don't know pero i really felt sad after seeing pictures of friends holding their flowers.chocolates,gifts from their special someone. Then it hits me that it's Feb.15 morning already and not a single rose insight. Did Valentine's day just passed. I was at the same location where my bf was for the entire day but get to spend it more with other single friends since he was on duty. I was being the same old me-feeling single waiting for something to happen, just helping other friends buy roses, eating other people's cake,being treated by others. Ok, I admit that I went all the way from NY just to spend Valentine's day with my sweetness. I was just dissappointed that he just let it pass and dwell on his problems at work. Yes, I am being immature and selfish right now. I'm a bad gf who doesn't deserve a rose on Valentine's day!

.close to giving up.

I woke up checking my phone and still got no reply/text from my boyfriend. I was thinking that he has no load or something's wrong with his phone again. So I just send a text message saying "i miss you,ope ur fine, thanks for not replying". But then now he replied "Bakit galit? busy hubby. :(". Containing my disappointment i delayed my reply. Then he text again "galit ba wife ko?"..then after coming up with a neutral reply (since I don't wanna sound overly pissed) "im not mad.nanibago lang ako na hindi mo sinabe kung nasan kana.sorry naistorbo kita"..he replied.."sorry busy lang hubby now"..(then suddenly I felt teary eyed)I guess I wasn't mad but I felt unimportant and disappointed. So I just decided to shut my globe phone. (I just feel tired checking my phone for nothing). Actually I'm tired of my life's setup!And my relationship with him is not helping. :(

.reality check.

It's been awhile since the last time I blogged here. This used to be my "vent blog", I just let out my ideas, feelings, experience and just share anything without being judge by anyone. It's been a month and a half since I left Manila. Resigning from my job-leaving my bestfriends-leaving my boyfriend-leaving my crazy life. Being with my parents and sister here in NY is like living my younger days. Staying at home, trying to please the family eachday, doing household chores, going shopping. Yet the more I feel useless and stuck up. I don't know if I can ever stand on my own feet.

.first kiss.

Last night was the 3rd batch of my despedida party. This time I get to celebrate with my new friends from SLMC (from Admissions,CAD,IMD,Pharmacy,Wellness). Another videoke party , wherein most of the songs were dedicated to me and sweetness. Everyone was crazy-drunk . We were all singing our hearts out and dancing aswell, nakakaloka tlga. Most of the evening I was seated beside sweetness. He was being super caring (well not letting me drink shots and stopping me from "yo"). Then when we had to drive ciarky home, we were seated in the backseat of Carlo's car, then he suddenly became cuddly and being sweet to me - holding my hand. *blush* From that time I know that this was the time that I have been waiting for, for us to finally just express our feelings for eachother. Back to my house where everyone was wasted already and was all laying on the couch. So me and sweetness just had a little chit chat and bonded more playing our iTouch. At 3am the girls woke up already and was sober to head home. So it's just me,sweetness and his friend left in the living room. His friend was really knocked down, and so we had the entire night for eachother. He was experiencing insomia so i had to be awak e and join him. Then there was MAGIC :) he started pinching my nose and becoming flirty, we were cuddling and I went to lay on his lap, when he suddenly leaned towards me and gave me a passionate kiss *kilig super* it went on for several times.. and it felt so good! I was feeling verry happy and just wanted to stay on his arms the entire time. We got sleepy around 5am just when the sun started to arise. *perfect moment*.

Now I am feeling elated! I just can't help but smile by just the thought of him kissing me. It may sound cheesy yet I miss him already. I think I love him already. I'm so thankful that he turned around and made a move.

I only have a week to spend time with him.. I'm really hoping that he'll consider having a long distance relationship with me..( I maybe demanding and selfish, but right now I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him ) *all smiles*

I love you Angelo Belano!!!

.Another crazy-drama filled week.

I started the week with hangover from my weekend gimiks. I had dinner with my HS barkada to celebrate Joyce' success in passing the Med. board exam. We get to update eachother and had the usual asaran- laughtrip over beer. (hehehe namiss ko sila mga kumare na tlga) then I get to hangout with Gelo (grabe I even fetched him at work) well t'was the first time that we get to spend time together alone. Ofcourse I was happy to be with him and kilig. Yet I have to send him home 'coz I was meeting other group of friends @ The Reserve. So down to my next stop. Joy and friends were there and surprisingly Aid followede and requested me to stay with him since he didn't wanna go home yet and wanted to have some after gimik breakfast pa.Unexpectedly I bumped into my cousin and her friends so the night was extended til 5am. They were drunk already and even thought that I was dating Aid (funny talaga! walang ka idea idea si Aid about what they were thinking) Ohwell good thing he didn't mind and just enjoyed our time together.

And so Monday came I got colds and wasn't feeling well. I took a sick leave came Tuesday.(wawang bata) .Neways came Thursday and we (my officemates) had a girl's night out @ Off the Grill , Tomas Morato. Yet another drama came up when Gelo was messing up my night and started to disappoint me (naiinis kase ako everytime na tinatabla nya ako, hindi ko alam if intentionally ba ito or manhid lang tlga sya and doesn't care about how I would feel) He even pushed the limit and tested my patience of telling me that he would pick me up but he was bringing his officemate with us aswell ( hay! should I just accept the fact na he didn't thought it would be a big deal for me and i won't mind at all) So I got pissed and even more hurt. (I was so disappointed with him talaga) I wanted to talk it over after the Healing Mass Event that I had to attend to , yet we never get a chance. Until today I haven't heard from him. His phone was turned off since yesterday (hmp! ayoko na sana isipen. ayoko na sana i-big deal. pero hinde pa din ako/kame ok .It still bothers me kase I care about our friendship so much). I never expected na it would reach upto this point na magkakaganito ako with him. I hate to admit na we're not Ok anymore, sobrang nakakabother. I only have until Thursday to stay at St.Lukes and this adds to the pressure I am feeling. Nakakaloka sobra! I don't really know what to do, the waiting is killing me. (i miss him na!)

Before I forget, I get the chance to party with my UMAK friends. We partied @ Cafe 80's! (grabe we got super drunk over tequila shots) to the point that Jojo had to give me taxi fare 'coz he cant drive me home to QC anymore. (hehehhe lasing si Papi) I had fun and I felt so touched that they really felt sad that I was leaving soon. Overjoyed talaga 'coz Cates even called to say hi and try to be present kahet phone patched lang..(heheh! They'll always be like a family to me na). I'm so blessed to have you guys in my life!

Another week has ended. I just hope things between me and Gelo will be fixed na. A lot of paties coming and I'm bound to bid farewell to EHC this Thursday na. (awww! 9 months din ako nagstay and I'm still gonna work hard up to the end) I'm having mixed emotions na and I know I'm about to breakdown soon (*deep sigh*)

One more thing, Bezy's birthday invite was done already and this is what we came up with. I'm happy that I get to do it for her and she actually wanted me to do it for her most awaited 26th birthday celebration!!!

.1 month to go before I say goodbye.

Another turning point in my life. I decided to quit my job and pursue my American dream. 30 days left to finish whatever that needs to be done. Resignation requirements, NCLEX application, Closure with special friends, Despedida parties, Birthday celebration of Ate Pia, Joy and Pao.

A week after "special friend's" discharge and I was hesitant to remain close to him and continue the daily text and call the we had. Well he's not checking on me aswell yet he still visits me in the clinic. [pero I wasn't excited to see him anymore :( ] Wahhh! Yet lastnight I was trying to check if we're still insync and texted him "i hate to admit it yet I miss you na :( ". Upto this moment I get no reply from him. Another (-) negative vibe from him. Wala na tlga eto patutunguhan. The only hope I have is that he'll say something that'll make me feel better and just be humble and just come around..before man lang ako umalis!*wishful thinking*

Hay! This I promise to myself everyweekend will be a PARTY. I need to make good memories and do my signature crazy-once-in-a-lifetime moments with friends!!!! GERA ON!

.crazy hella week.

the week was filled with depression,confussion and exhaustion. . Sunday night was when i got a call from "sweetness" that he's not feeling well and he's going to the E.R. for consult. Surprisingly I was so freaking worried and was checking on him from time to time..(i can't even close my eyes because i was so bothered) ... and so i laylowed because I was afraid to accept that I do have deep feelings for him already (well not that I haven't shared it with others, but this seemed a lot way more than I expected) To my surprise he texted and told me that he'll be going to the clinic since he's been having fever for the past 3 days..to make the long story short..he had Dengue and got admitted. During his confinement i was giving my best effort on comforting him (kinapalan kona muka ko and still visit him everyday) Yun lang hinde ko alam if naapreciate ba nya or naiirita na sya saken (feeling girlfriend kase ako..haaay! ang hirap ng ganito..no commitment) hmmm.. I only have 2 weeks to see him..after that everything will be over. I don't think what we have is bound to last especially on long distance... He's just too numb and afraid to settle... (that's the hardest part that I need to deal with)

:(